HOW can I be in love with someone so much?
I was never the kinda girl, who can be hopelessly in love with someone.
So much, that I don't even see or care about what happens in future.
I don't even wanna know.
Even the fact that you don't love me that way, isn't affecting me. At all.
I do NOT care how your life is, or how it will be, in future, I just want to be there, with you, through thick and thin, sadness and happiness, bad and the worse.
I do not care what you call me, friend, best friend, or just another girl you know, I do not.
I just want to be there, to see that smile on your face. And wipe your tears. Always.
Unintentionally, I ended up being another problem to solve, in your life, which I never wanted. That would be the last thing, I want to do to you. Being another problem for you to solve.
You give me reasons, that your life is a mess, and that you don't want me getting into it, 'cause you want the best for me. I understand what you mean.
I never will be able to tell you this, but I believe, maybe it's right or wrong. But I believe, anywhere you are is the best for me. Not practically, but that's all I want, rather need.
People might think, I am acting really desperate for a guy, who doesn't even love me that way. But you know what? No, it's not desperation, I am in love with you.
I don't know how, when this happened. How you became the best thing I ever knew, how I could be myself with you, without the fear of you judging me, how I changed so drastically, changed in the ways I never thought I would, and how I started loving the new me, and more than that, how I started loving You, unconditionally. I do not care if you like some other girl, or get married to someone in future, I could care less. I really could. Because I know, for a fact, no matter how many girls come into your life, and maybe even truly, love you. No one, No one can ever love you the way I do.
I do not know what life has for me, and I have grown to stop caring about it, as much.
Yes, I am following my dreams, like I always have been. Being successful is all I really got, I have no other option.
Running away? yeah, I won't be a wuss and get away from my troubles, and face 'em.
Like you said, you want your friends to be strong, I will be, I promise.
You asked me WHY I love you, I could never actually tell you why I love you so much, because maybe they won't make sense to anyone else but me.
Maybe I am too immature to know what love is.
I like being with you. More than I ever have liked being with someone. It isn't infatuation. For infatuation ends, when you realize that person isn't the same he/she was. But this attempt, of you faking it all, didn't change it. All I was thinking all this while, and praying for you to be fine. No matter what you are doing, be happy. That was all in my mind.
Call me crazy, I can't help this feeling.
Not like I am sad or anything, but I miss you, way too much than I actually should miss anyone.
I am not thinking about it, at all whatsoever. It's just there. This feeling. It has just stopped where it was, and it's not moving, no matter how hard I try.
I have been repeatedly telling myself "Adrishi, Stop, this is crazy, why are you spoiling such a good friendship, why" and all my heart tells me, is that I love you.
Then my mind tells me "Adrishi, he doesn't love you, he loves his ex, always have, he can't get over her, even if he does, he'll never love anyone the way he loved her"
and all it does it, makes me respect you, even more. Way more than I already do.
I guess I lost a very good friend of mine, and I hate it. And the fact that I can do nothing about it, is killing.
I am just Sorry. I am sorry for being so hopeless.
I am Sorry.
I never wanted all this to happen.
I need you. Yes, I need you in my life.
Not gonna get all cheesy and say, I need you like oxygen, or anything like that.
I need you as a friend. As an escape from things I don't wanna know, as the one who I can always look upto, no matter what. I have happened to need you, more than I ever needed anyone.
I do NOT care, how your life is, I do NOT care if it's a mess, all I know and care about is, I want to see you happy. And be there, to see you smile. No matter what.
I know this wont lead me to anything, I am not even looking for it to lead me to anything. I just want to be in this feeling, 'cause no matter what, it's beautiful.
Looking past all the practicality, it's one beautiful feeling, I don't remember the last time I felt beautiful after we stopped talking, I don't remember the last time someone told me "Go and take your meds" I don't remember the last time someone literally scolded me to take care of myself.
I know, that is what friends do, make each other happy. No one is able to make me happy anymore.
I talk to people, all day, laughing making fun, mocking each other, laughing, and giggling. But, I don't feel happy. The way I used to, with our crazy, stupid conversations, which made sense to no one else but us. And I don't know how, but I am in love with you, a little more than which will end by me not talking to you, or not knowing what is up with you, a little more than knowing that you like, love someone else, a little more than the fact that you will never love me the way I do, a little more than thinking about what I'll have to go through for you, a little more than all the odds.
Can I ask you for a favor? IF, if you're reading this, and no matter what happens, no matter if we never talk or anything of that sort, just remember one thing? You are my true love. And no, I am not too young to know that. I know for a fact, no matter what comes into life, that something will never ever be able to replace you.
Never. You're irreplaceable. Always were, and always will be, and no one, trust me, no one has the right to tell you differently. I do not know what the girl who left you was thinking of, but she really did miss the best thing. Yes, THE best thing that could ever happen to any girl. ANY girl.
I know I am not beautiful enough, or good enough, or the way you want your girl to be, but..
You are my dream come true. It's crazy.
You are all that I have ever imagined of.
Exactly what I have dreamed of.
You are my Prince Charming and I am not your Cinderella.
I don't know what I am doing. I have no idea.
For now, All I know is, I really am in love with you, it's not one of those teenage infatuations, which end in a few days, months, OR years.
It has no end to it.
And I am sorry. I didn't mean to trouble you, by loving you. I never thought it would be this bad for you.
I really am sorry.
I have accepted the reality, and this feeling is way more than that reality. I can't stop it. No one can.
And omgsh! I was LEGIT happy today. LEGIT.
I cried because, you proved how my belief in you wasn't wrong, you proved how I was right about my best friend never changing for anything, or any one.
And it makes me proud.
In the end, I am just another girl, who is hopelessly in love with you, who unfortunately happens to be your best friend, and ends up spoiling it all for you, 'cause she can't stop loving you.
Guess, this is what destiny has to offer.
A little dedication. This song that I love so dearly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWqLtXXzldk&feature=fvwrel
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